According to the latest statistics released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 80% of marriages in Australia are conducted by civil celebrants, a number which has been steadily increasing for several years. While this may reflect declining church attendance it is also a reflection of the fact that Australians love the great outdoors and more and more people are choosing to be married on beaches, beside rivers, in parks, in bushland settings, on the harbour and in their own backyard. I estimate that around 90% of the weddings I conduct are outdoors. The picture accompanying this post is the wedding of Ben and Erin nestled in a beautiful forest on one of the mountains hovering over Wollongong. The wedding party were dwarfed by magnificent trees which provided a cool and tranquil setting. Surprisingly, it was easily accessible (from memory, it was even wheelchair accessible!) By the way, you can read their testimonial here.

​Here are a few tips to make sure your outdoor venue is a huge success:

1. ​​Have a back-up plan. While the most popular months for getting married generally have good weather, it can't be guaranteed. By the way, March is the most popular month in which to marry and Spring is the most popular season in which to marry (nearly a third of couples marry between September and November). While we had perfect weather for our own March wedding, I remember that it rained heavily and steadily for a week beforehand, so we were lucky but it can be unpredictable. Make sure you have a back-up plan in case it rains, but also have a plan in case it's too hot - in this land of extremes anything can happen! I remember conducting a wedding on a 42 degrees day at a venue with beautiful views but absolutely no shade! And if last summer taught us anything it should be to have a plan in case you have to evacuate due to bushfires, or if you and/or your guests can't get to the wedding venue for the same reason. I conducted a wedding last year where the venue was cut-off a few weeks before the wedding due to bushfires, but then just a few days out from the wedding the site was flooded - it's Australia, anything can happen! Fortunately for that couple it turned out to be a perfect day.
2. Your back-up plan could include an alternative indoor venue, having a marquee available, having plenty of umbrellas (for sun or rain), or simply a venue which has both an indoor and outdoor option available.
3. Following on from my weather warnings, make sure you have water available on hot days, and umbrellas for shade or rain. I recently officiated at a beautiful outdoor wedding on a day which turned out to be unexpectedly sunny. Fortunately the couple had planned for this beforehand and had hats available for all their guests (as well as for the Celebrant, which was appreciated!).
4. Make sure your site is accessible. By this, I don't simply mean wheelchair accessible - if you have any elderly guests or anyone with an injury or disability even a long walk on level ground may not be easy-going. A lot of your guests will be happy to stand for the ceremony, but make sure there are seats for those who can't.
5. Sydney has one of the most beautiful harbours in the world and harbour cruises are one way of providing a gorgeous backdrop to your ceremony. Just make sure you arrange with the cruise company that you will stop off back at base after the ceremony so the Celebrant can get off (unless you want to pay them for the whole time you're afloat).

Of course, if you want an outdoor wedding but any of these things are a real issue for you, don't forget that you can enjoy the great outdoors while still undercover. Many beaches have function rooms in their surf clubs with great beach views, and private homes with grand gardens and/or outstanding views are often available for weddings or weekend rental. With the trend towards smaller weddings I expect we'll see more of these becoming popular.
But most importantly, once you've made some back-up plans don't stress about it! I've conducted weddings in the rain (the photographer said it created ideal conditions for some outstanding photos), weddings in the sun are manageable provided the ceremony is kept short, and I once attended a wedding as a guest during a downpour which washed the bride's shoe away in a torrent as she stepped out of the car. It didn't put a dampener on the day (pun intended). Make your plans, but then just enjoy the day! (you will).

As Covid-19 restrictions have had a massive influence on the trend towards smaller weddings, it's inevitable that smaller weddings would also result in smaller bridal parties. However, even before Covid there was a trend towards having less bridesmaids and/or groomsmen, or perhaps none at all. So, how many people should you have in your bridal party (groomsmen/bridesmaids)? Do you have to have any? 
The only 'rules' around bridal parties is the statutory requirement that you must have two witnesses at your wedding, in addition to the Celebrant. That is why, during Covid lockdowns, the maximum number for weddings was set at 5 - the marrying couple, two witnesses, and Celebrant. It has been a tradition that the two witnesses who sign the legal documents are the best-man and chief bridesmaid, but it's only a tradition. Changes to the Marriage Act which allowed same-sex marriages also contributed in significant ways to how we celebrate marriages, including 'support-people' (after all, we can't have a 'bridal party' if there is no bride!). Here are some of the trends I'm seeing:

1. While large bridal parties are still popular, I'm seeing more weddings with only one or two people accompanying each of the marrying parties (whether bride and groom, or bride and bride, or groom and groom), or none at all. 
2. Gone are the days when on one side of the Celebrant stood an all-male group (the groom and groomsmen) and an all-female group on the other (bride and bridesmaids). This doesn't mean with same-sex weddings we're seeing all men, or all women, either. Most people have both male and female friends, and if a groom would like to have a female friend in his bridal party there is no good reason why she should stand with the bridesmaids on the bride's side, and vice versa.
3. I conducted a lovely ceremony where both the bride and groom had children from previous marriages (coincidentally they had the same number of children, roughly the same ages). The children stood on their respective sides and when it came time to ask "Who brings Sonia to be married to Mark?" Sonia's children answered in unison "We do!" and when I asked "Who brings Mark to be married to Sonia?" Mark's children answered "We do!" 
4.  On the subject of bridal parties I am sometimes asked about whether or not brides and grooms should give their support-people gifts, and, if so, what kind of gift is appropriate. Personally, I think being invited to play a role in a friend's wedding is gift enough! I've been best-man for a couple weddings and didn't expect a gift (and I don't think I was given one either), and I don't recall giving gifts to my four groomsmen either. I don't think it's expected, and it's another expense which can turn a happy occasion into a financial burden. 

Of course, I'm not suggesting that there's anything wrong with big wedding parties, and it's lovely to involve lots of friends in your big celebration. The fact that there is a trend towards smaller bridal parties, or none at all, is a reflection of the larger trend towards having uniquely personalised weddings. There is no right or wrong way to do your wedding. Your ceremony should reflect your personalities, and if that means giving special roles to a close group of friends, or involving all your guests as your 'support-people' then you should do whatever feels right to you.

Couples are re-thinking about how to make their "grand entry" - or whether to have one at all. Traditionally, the groom would arrive first and wait with his groomsmen for the bride and her bridesmaids to walk down the aisle, often escorted by the father-of-the-bride. But for all sorts of good reasons that doesn't work for many couples. Not all brides have a dad to walk them down the aisle, or they do but he's not the most appropriate person to accompany them for their big entry. We're now also seeing weddings with two brides, or two grooms, and they want to arrive together. So what are the trends?
I think the most memorable entry of any wedding I've attended was on a beach in Byron Bay. The bride arrived in a beautiful white gown, although barefooted (apparently it's difficult to walk on soft sand in high heels!) and made her way down the beach to the waiting guests. Most of the guests, however, looked quite concerned that the groom and groomsmen hadn't yet arrived. Had she been stood up on her big day?! Moments later the sound of a light plane was heard overhead and as heads turned skywards several skydivers left the aircraft and made their way with clockwork precision to the beach. The groom parachuted in to land at exactly the right spot beside his bride, followed by his groomsmen (it turns out they were all professional skydivers). They removed their parachutes, put on tuxedos and proceeded with the ceremony. The arrival of the groom even upstaged the wedding I attended where the groom arrived by helicopter!

Here are the latest trends that I'm seeing.

1. I'm seeing more and more brides making the grand walk with both parents, or none at all. I was recently the Celebrant at a beautiful wedding where the groom walked down the aisle first, accompanied by his best man with the groom's pet dog on a leash. After they took their places at the front the bride arrived with her bridesmaid who also had the bride's puppy on a leash. Tied around the neck of each puppy was a little box containing a wedding ring, so they took centre stage during the ceremony when I called for the ring-bearers to present the rings! I mentioned during the ceremony that the couple began their relationship by taking their puppies to the park together and these "puppy-dates" turned into a romance, and hence it was appropriate that the puppies should have a special role on the big day.
2. But what should you do for a wedding with two brides, or two grooms? I married one couple where the two brides arrived at the same time, and entered from different directions escorted by their mums, meeting in front of their guests. But it's not only same-sex couples who are finding creative ways for both of them to make a grand entry. Straight grooms are also being inspired to make an entry.
3. I've also been the Celebrant at weddings where the marrying couple have been the first to arrive, and they have greeted their guests as they arrive. This "non-entry" is a pleasant surprise for arriving guests and creates a celebratory atmosphere from the very start. Greeting the guests as they arrive may be an obvious choice for home-weddings, especially if the wedding is at the couple's own home, but I've seen it work just as well for a beach wedding.

So, think creatively about how you'd like to make your entry, if you'd like to do it separately or together, and if you'd both like to make a grand entrance, or none at all. If you'd like to do something different but are stuck for ideas, I'll make sure we begin at the beginning - with the entry - when we plan your ceremony together.

While Saturday is still the most popular day for weddings, there is a trend towards being married on a week-day instead.  There are a couple reasons for this:

• Wedding venues charge significantly higher prices for weekend weddings, so if you're looking to save some serious dollars, or working to a budget, then there are some good packages available for week-day weddings.
• With a trend towards smaller weddings there is also a shift to smaller venues and couples are choosing restaurants, parks and beaches, historic homes, and even the backyard as the location for both the ceremony and the reception. Mondays to Wednesdays are traditionally the quietest days for the restaurant industry, so you could almost certainly negotiate a great package for lunch or dinner if you book for one of these days. Many places will be so pleased to get extra business on their quiet days that they are likely to provide outstanding service.
• Since the pandemic began, with so many people working from home or having more flexible work-hours, it's easier than ever before to find a time during the week when your friends and family will be able to attend. Saturdays used to be the preferred day because that's when most people had a day off work, but that's all changed.
• With so many weddings planned for 2020 being postponed to 2021 due to the pandemic, many venues are already booked out on weekends, forcing couples to either wait another year or look for other options.

But it's not just about finding a more affordable option for your reception - although that is a significant factor for many couples opting for a week-day - you will probably find that photographers, videographers, musicians, DJs, florists and Celebrants also charge lower rates on their quiet days. You could save money all round.

Covid-19 has taught us a number of things, and possibly changed forever the way we celebrate. It has definitely taught us that we don't necessarily have to have a crowd in order to have a good time, and that people don't have to be physically present in order to join the party.  Although Covid-19 now seems to be well under control (is it too early to say 'eliminated'?!) - at least in Australia and New Zealand - during the months of lockdowns and restrictions on the sizes of gatherings we have all had to re-think how to 'meet up' with our friends and families in creative ways. For example, I've learned how to enjoy Friday-night-drinks-with-mates without having to leave my desk, thanks to Zoom. And I think I'm appreciating more the quality time with friends and family now that I can't see them as often, or in large groups.
In the initial stages of Covid-19 most couples were simply postponing their weddings but as the realities of isolation and restrictions set in we all began to think of new and creative ways to celebrate with a smaller group. I personally think it will change forever the way we do weddings, and definitely for the better. Here are just some of my initial observations:

• Live-streaming weddings is becoming much more common, whether you engage a professional or simply use smart phones. In fact, it's enabling couples to share their special day with even more people than they would have envisaged pre-Covid. For example, I recently 'attended' a friends wedding in the USA, from the comfort of my own home, without the expense of travelling thousands of kilometres.
• Celebrations are becoming less formal, and the actual ceremony for the exchange of vows is sometimes being incorporated into a single event rather than standing alone and separated from the reception. For example, imagine arriving at a friend's home, enjoying canapes and conversation with other guests as someone fires up the barbeque. The main topic of conversation is how the hosts met and the major steps in the journey which brought them to this moment. Then, just before the meal is ready to serve one of the guests (who is an authorised marriage celebrant) says a few words and invites the couple to make their vows to each other. The celebrant declares them to be married, and lunch is served! Toasts are made, all the guests contribute their stories and best wishes, gifts are opened, there is a huge amount of laughing, and everyone remembers the day as one of the best ever!
• Another bonus of smaller, less formal weddings is the massive savings. Lunch in a restaurant, or a backyard barbeque, can be just as special as a reception in a hugely expensive function venue. Imagine putting those savings towards some backyard landscaping or improvements to the house which will last much longer than the few hours of the reception, or towards a holiday or something which will make a big difference to your lives. But it's not just about savings - with smaller weddings you can re-direct your funds to things which are more important to you and improving the quality of the occasion. With less people you may now be able to afford a videographer to capture the memories, or a DJ, or some really nice food and drinks. Think about what you really want and not what you think is expected.

​Smaller weddings open up other possibilities as well, such as the time and day. That's another changing trend with weddings. More about that in a later post.

I perform quite a bit of 'hand-fasting' at weddings - a ritual where the couples' hands are tied together with cords or ribbons. This is an ancient Celtic tradition and it's where we get the expression "tying the know" from. I came across this article in The Scotsman recently about the Scottish origins of the custom, and it makes for interesting reading.

Hand-fasting is often popular with a couples where one or both of them have Celtic origins (e.g. Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Cornish, Manx), but I have also 'tied the knot' for couples with no Celtic heritage. I work with them to choose colours for the ribbons or cords which have some significance, such as national or sporting colours and I recently performed a ceremony where we used the colours of the 7 chakras, or energy centres in the body, representing the various levels of communication in the marriage. It was quite spectacular! (I'll try to post a pic of this ceremony soon).

I also have more information about hand'fasting here.

I've recently been posting about traditions which have been changing, some for very good reasons. Many of our wedding traditions originated in a patriarchal age when a woman was regarded as her father's "property" until she was "given away" to her husband at the wedding. I've already written about how the traditional "giving away" is changing (or gone forever), and how we can take that opportunity to create new meaningful ways of acknowledging significant people at a wedding ceremony.

I received a message a few days ago seeking my ideas about the custom of asking a bride's father (or parents) for permission to marry his/their daughter, and what should a couple do with that tradition now. On the one hand, we might think (and rightly so) that an adult who is old enough to vote for a Government, sit on a jury and make decisions about someone's life, and serve in the armed forces and defend their country, should also be capable of making an important decision about their own life without a parent's permission! But on the other hand, parents often play a huge part in helping someone grow to maturity and to the point where they are capable of making that decision, and it may be good to acknowledge that relationship. And you probably want to maintain a good relationship with the future in-laws and get their 'blessing'. Family relationships can also be complex, not everyone is close to their parents, and you may not want to put yourself in the situation where a parent could say 'no.' Tricky. So what should you do? 

Here are two examples, from my own personal experience. When I proposed to my then-future-wife, and she accepted, I reckoned that hers was the only permission I needed and was taken a little aback when she asked "so when are you going to ask Dad?" I got around my problem by meeting with my fairly traditionalist future father-in-law and letting him know how much I loved his daughter, how we planned to have a great life together, and that we had decided to get married. He was delighted (naturally!) and in the ensuing excitement he probably didn't even notice that I didn't ask for his permission.

My second example is from the 'other' perspective - as the potential father-in-law. I had a pretty good idea what was about to happen when my eldest daughter's boyfriend invited me to lunch (they say there's no such thing as a free lunch, so I expected it was going to cost me something). I made him sweat for quite a while, discussing work, politics, the economy, you-name-it. Eventually he plucked up enough courage to interrupt me and change the subject, and asked for permission to marry my daughter. I said he didn't need my permission, but I was delighted they'd come to that decision themselves and they would definitely have our support and blessing. 

I doubt very much if many parents these days expect to be asked for permission for a son or daughter to marry, and in many cases they will have already seen the love blossoming between you, but it's nice for them to be included in the process of their son/daughter creating a new family . Depending on your family circumstances, weddings can be a time to celebrate family and to acknowledge all the important people in your lives. Meeting with yours and your partner's parents to announce your plans can be one of the 'special moments' which you may later treasure. Every family is different and there is no one 'rule' that will suit every family situation. If your partner has a good relationship with his or her family, and you want to involve them in the wedding and in your married lives thereafter, it would probably be a good idea to make some kind of a fuss about how you announce your marriage plans to them.  So in my opinion, and it's just my opinion, you don't need to ask your partner's parents for permission but they will probably be very honoured if you pay them a special visit (or invite them to a special lunch) to make your announcement.

So, you've decided to change your name after your wedding, either by adopting your partner's surname, hyphenating or merging names. or taking a brand new name. Regardless of which option you go with, you will need to let people know about the change. Here's a handy check list.

1. Before you contact banks or Government departments or agencies you will need an Official Marriage Certificate. This isn't the commemorative certificate you sign at the ceremony. You will need to apply to BDM for a full marriage certificate. Your Celebrant can do this for you at the same time as they register the marriage, and it will be a lot less trouble for you and will generally come much quicker. If you need it urgently (for example, for applying for travel visas) let your celebrant know. I usually register marriages within 24 hours of performing the ceremony and apply for the full marriage certificate at the same time. It generally comes by registered mail within 4-5 days. The fee currently charged by BDM for issuing this certificate is $60.
2. Don't give your official marriage certificate to anyone, or it will cost you $60 every time you apply for another one. Make a few copies and get a Justice of the Peace to certify them as true copies. If your Celebrant is a JP (as I am) they should certify some copies for you.
3. You should let Roads and Maritime Services know so they can change your name on your Drivers Licence. You will sometimes need photo ID in your married name, so this should be the first thing to change.
4. If you're planning to travel soon make sure you check if the name on your passport needs changing. This could affect any visas you've already applied for, so make sure you check with the embassies or consulates of the countries you're travelling to if you need to do anything.
5. Next you should contact your bank and insurance companies about whether you need to change your name on bank accounts, insurance policies, etc. Don't forget to contact the Tax Office (ATO) as well.
6. Remember, if you've adopted your partner's surname your birth-name is still a legal name and you can continue to use it, even if you also use a married name. You may wish to continue using it for professional and club memberships for example.

Finally, have fun letting everyone in your social network know about your name change. If they weren't guests at your wedding it's a good way to share your news and spread your excitement about the new phase in your life!

In my previous post I listed some options for changing your surname after marriage (or not). In Australia, while it has traditionally been women adopting their husband's surnames, the rules have always allowed either party to adopt their partner's name. Now that the Marriage Act has been changed to allow two people to marry regardless of gender the same rules apply i.e. either party can take on their partner's name without having to apply for an official name change. According to the NSW Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages (I'll call them BDM from now on) "If you were married in Australia a formal change of name is not required if you wish to take your spouse's surname. A standard marriage certificate is usually sufficient evidence to have personal documentation such as your driver's licence and passport changed to your married surname." You can still legally use the name on your birth certificate, so, for example, if you want to open a bank account in your new 'married' name you will have to provide the bank with a copy of your Marriage Certificate, but if you also want to join a professional association using the name on your Degree (the name registered at birth) you can use that name as well (and, if they need ID, you can use your birth certificate or any other official document with your birth-name). The change-of-name-by-marriage rules apply to hyphenated names as well (e.g. Smith-Jones), so if your surname is Smith and your partner's name is Jones  you can add your partner's name to your own (Smith-Jones) without having to do anything, but will need to provide the Marriage Certificate as evidence of a change of name when applying for a bank account, passport, etc.

But what if you decide to adopt a new name? Let's say that neither of you like Smith, Jones or Smith-Jones and you decide to take the surname "Sydney" because that's where you met and fell in love (ah yes, Sydney has so many awesome people a lot of us fall in love here!). There are a couple of options for changing your name. After your marriage you can both apply to register a change of name with BDM. You will have to meet certain requirements (e.g. you must have been born in NSW or lived here for 3 years if you were born overseas - if you were born interstate you will need to contact BDM in that State) and pay a fee (currently $190). The application form is here. Another option would be for one of you to officially change your name before the marriage, and then the other can adopt that name by marriage. For example, Peter Smith and Gary Jones are getting married and both are planning to adopt the name "Sydney" after the wedding. If Peter changes his name to Peter Sydney before the marriage, Gary still has the option of becoming Gary Sydney, Gary Sydney-Jones, or remaining as Gary Jones. You will save $190 but the downside of this is that when you exchange your vows during the ceremony Peter must give his name as "Peter Sydney" and this may confuse a lot of your guests who know him as Peter Smith!

​There are some other restrictions on changing your name so if you're thinking of taking a new name you should check first with BDM. The relevant page on their website is here.

Who do you need to tell that you've changed your name? I'll cover that in my next post.

While around 80% of Australian women follow tradition and take their husband's surname after marriage (according to 2016 figures) the trend could be changing. I am often asked by brides how they go about changing their name after the wedding.  I've writen about this before, but with changes to the Marriage Act it's time to chat about it again so this will be the first of a short series of posts about changing your name. What are your options, and what do you legally have to do? 

Now that the law in Australia allows same-sex couples to marry it will be interesting to see over time what most couples decide to do about surnames. In the next couple of posts I will also look at the options for same-sex couples changing names.

So, for both straight and same-sex couples the options are pretty much the same:

1. One party changes their surname and adopts their partner's name as their own. The tradition of a bride taking her husband's surname dates back to a time when a woman was seen as her husband's "property" and while no one thinks that way any more the tradition has carried on. It's the same with the bride being "given away" by her father: she was once her father's "property" and after marriage she becomes the property of a new man. It's funny how the tradition of being "given away" has still persisted long after society has abandoned regarding women as property! That's another subject (which I covered in a couple earlier posts here and here) and it's something which is changing. I like to suggest creative ways for couples to recognise the influential people in their lives without anyone being "given away"! For example, in a wedding I performed yesterday the father of the bride walked his daughter down the aisle and then the bride's teenage son presented his mum and gave his blessing to the new family unit that she was creating with the new wonderful man in her life.
2. Traditionally, it's the woman who adopts her husband's surname, but occassionally a man takes on his wife's name. It's a good opportunity to get rid of a name you've always hated!
3. My gut-feeling is that hyphenated names are becoming more popular, although the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages doesn't actually collect any data about name-changes so it's only my feeling. It's a good way for both parties to acknowledge their heritage and that of their partner.
4. A nice option is for the couple to decide on a brand new surname, something that would be meaningful for both of them. It could be a 'merged' name, for example, or the placename of where they met or fell in love, or the name of someone who was influential in both their lives, or a quality or attribute which is important to them.
5. You don't have to change a thing. There are all sorts of reasons why someone would want to keep their name unchanged: for example, to retain your professional name, the name on your degrees, the name you are known by and to maintain the reputation you've taken years to build. There is no legal reason why you must change your name.

​In my next post I talk about the legal requirements for changing your name.