While around 80% of Australian women follow tradition and take their husband's surname after marriage (according to 2016 figures) the trend could be changing. I am often asked by brides how they go about changing their name after the wedding.  I've writen about this before, but with changes to the Marriage Act it's time to chat about it again so this will be the first of a short series of posts about changing your name. What are your options, and what do you legally have to do? 

Now that the law in Australia allows same-sex couples to marry it will be interesting to see over time what most couples decide to do about surnames. In the next couple of posts I will also look at the options for same-sex couples changing names.

So, for both straight and same-sex couples the options are pretty much the same:

1. One party changes their surname and adopts their partner's name as their own. The tradition of a bride taking her husband's surname dates back to a time when a woman was seen as her husband's "property" and while no one thinks that way any more the tradition has carried on. It's the same with the bride being "given away" by her father: she was once her father's "property" and after marriage she becomes the property of a new man. It's funny how the tradition of being "given away" has still persisted long after society has abandoned regarding women as property! That's another subject (which I covered in a couple earlier posts here and here) and it's something which is changing. I like to suggest creative ways for couples to recognise the influential people in their lives without anyone being "given away"! For example, in a wedding I performed yesterday the father of the bride walked his daughter down the aisle and then the bride's teenage son presented his mum and gave his blessing to the new family unit that she was creating with the new wonderful man in her life.
2. Traditionally, it's the woman who adopts her husband's surname, but occassionally a man takes on his wife's name. It's a good opportunity to get rid of a name you've always hated!
3. My gut-feeling is that hyphenated names are becoming more popular, although the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages doesn't actually collect any data about name-changes so it's only my feeling. It's a good way for both parties to acknowledge their heritage and that of their partner.
4. A nice option is for the couple to decide on a brand new surname, something that would be meaningful for both of them. It could be a 'merged' name, for example, or the placename of where they met or fell in love, or the name of someone who was influential in both their lives, or a quality or attribute which is important to them.
5. You don't have to change a thing. There are all sorts of reasons why someone would want to keep their name unchanged: for example, to retain your professional name, the name on your degrees, the name you are known by and to maintain the reputation you've taken years to build. There is no legal reason why you must change your name.

​In my next post I talk about the legal requirements for changing your name.

Are you planning to invite people with young kids to your wedding? Even the best behaved kids will find it to be a long day and will get bored at times, especially in the boring 'adult' bits, like the speeches at the reception (my ceremonies, by the way, are never boring!)

So here is a good idea from pink frosting party supplies. It's a small investment which the kids will enjoy and your guests will appreciate:
​
​a kid's entertainment kit.

Is it ok for guests at a wedding to share photos on Facebook or Instagram while the wedding or reception is underway? How long after the ceremony is it 'polite' to wait until uploading photos to the net? Do you have to wait at all?
I've had guests come to me before the ceremony and ask questions like these about the social media etiquette, and by the time they ask it's too late to ask the marrying couple how they feel about it. So I generally make a point of asking couples during one of our pre-wedding planning sessions how they feel about their wedding being on social media. Most couples hadn't thought about it before, but appreciate being given the opportunity to have some input into it. I will then make an announcement at the wedding before the bridal party arrives, along these lines:

• James and Kathy would love you to take lots of photos during the ceremony and would be delighted if you share them on social media, but would appreciate it if you hold off uploading any photos until they've had the opportunity to post some special pics of their own. So keep your eye on their pages over the next few days. Or ...
• Kirsten and Anthony want everyone to enjoy every moment of their ceremony. They have a professional photographer here today and will be sharing photos with you as soon as they can, so there's no need to worry about taking photos, or distract anyone else by trying to get a good shot.  So, relax and enjoy the day and keep your phone in your pocket. Or ...
• Ken and Justin would love you to take lots of photos and share them on social media as quickly as you can. Let's see who can post the best pics and help make this awesome wedding go viral!

There are no etiquette 'rules' about sharing photos of the ceremony on social media. It's your day, so do whatever you like. Just give it some thought beforehand, let me know what you decide, and I'll let your guests know in the most appropriate way.

By the way, the cartoon at the top was posted to a celebrants' forum by a colleague in NZ who is happy for it to be shared. As far as I know there's no copyright, but if there is, and you happen to own it, please let me know asap so I can do the right thing.

I've written before about the arrival of the bride and who will walk her down the aisle. It's not always possible or appropriate for the father-of-the-bride to escort his daughter down the aisle. Some people simply don't like it because it's a tradition which comes from a patriarchal age and isn't relevant in a modern society where no one "gives away" the bride.
I am seeing more and more weddings where brides walk down the aisle with their mums, or both parents, or one of her children. It's a good opportunity to honour someone who has had a significant impact on the bride's life, such as a friend or influential and supportive relative. Now that same sex marriages are legal, couples will need to think about who will walk down the aisle: both grooms or brides, or neither? It's a perfect opportunity to re-think the arrival of the marrying couple, and the march down the aisle, not just for same-sex couples but for all couples. 
I recently read a nice story of a bride whose father had died in a car accident and the family had agreed for his organs to be donated. The man who walked her down the aisle was the recipient of her father's heart! (The photo above is from the same source.) A beautiful story, and a beautiful way to honour someone who couldn't be there. 
So how would you like to arrive at your wedding? I love exploring all sorts of ideas with couples planning their wedding, and whether you want to be traditional or completely unconventional, the 'arrival' certainly is a moment which sets the tone and is a great moment to put your own personal stamp on the ceremony. 

The Attorney General's Department has issued new marriage forms, including the Notice of Intended Marriage and the Official Certificate of Marriage, in time for the changes to the Marriage Act which come into effect on Saturday 9th December. Civil Celebrants now have access to these forms which will be used for all couples. The words "Bride" and "Groom" on the old forms have been replaced by "Party 1" and "Party 2" and each person can then choose if they wish to be described on the Certificate of Marriage as a "Groom", "Bride" or "Partner".

The Australian Parliament today changed the Marriage Act with an overwhelming majority in favour enabling same sex couples to marry. According to the Attorney General, George Brandis, the law will come into effect on 9th December. The Act requires all couples to give at least one month's notice, meaning the earliest date they can marry will be 9th January. 

So what needs to be done if you plan to marry early in the new year?
​

• The first thing you must do is lodge a Notice of Intended Marriage with a registered Marriage Celebrant. The Celebrant will usually help you to complete the form so it would be a good idea to find a celebrant you like now. To complete this form you will need:
  1. ​​Proof of date and place of birth. The usual documents are either a birth certificate or passport.
  2. Photo ID. The best forms of ID are current Drivers Licence or Proof of Age card.
  3. If you have been married before you will need proof that the marriage has ended in the form of either (a) your previous spouse's death certificate, or (b) divorce certificate.
  4. You will also need to provide the full names of both parents of both parties to the marriage, their place of birth, and whether they are living or deceased.
• The next thing you should do is decide on a location for your wedding and book it as soon as possible. If you plan to marry in a public place such as a beach or park you may need to book it with the local council. 
• You should bear in mind that a lot of wedding and reception venues are booked a year ahead, so if marrying soon is important for you think about a Monday-Friday wedding rather than a weekend. It will probably be easier to find a Celebrant for a mid-week wedding as well. 

Please call or email me with any questions you have. I'd be delighted to help your dream come true!

The Attorney-General George Brandis is proposing an amendment to the Dean Smith Bill which would give civil celebrants the right to refuse to marry gay couples. But are celebrants asking for this? Civil celebrant associations say they don't want the right to discriminate against same-sex couples. There are approximately 8,500 civil celebrants in Australia, and most are members of an Association. These associations have surveyed their members from time to time to ask how we all feel about marrying same-sex couples. Dorothy Harrison, chair of the Coalition of Celebrant Associations, was quoted in The Age newspaper as saying that the majority of celebrants don't want an exemption, and don't approve of them. "A survey of 1500 civil celebrants conducted by the Coalition of Celebrant Associations found just 3 per cent would resign if compelled to perform same-sex weddings. Eighty per cent said they would happily marry same-sex couples".

The Dean Smith Bill already has a provision for a new category of religious marriage celebrants who would be given the same rights currently given to ministers of recognised denominations to refuse to marry anyone, for any reason. In my view, and in the view of most civil celebrants, it is unnecessary to give the same right to disciminate to all civil celebrants. We're not exactly "public servants" but we do have an obligation to perform marriages according to the Marriage Act, without discrimination. 

I've seen some announcements in the media about same-sex couples who are planning to marry in January or February 2018, and have also been asked by several people about the earliest date they can have a wedding. Under the existing Marriage Act couples intending to marry must give at least one month's notice to an authorised marriage celebrant. According to the Prime Minister, the necessary changes to the Act will be made before Christmas. Assuming the Parliament passes the amendments this year, will same-sex couples be able to marry from 1st January,  and can they give notice of their intended marriage now? Here is the latest information available from the Attorney General's department.

• The Marriage Amendment (Definition and Religious Freedoms) Bill 2017 (‘Dean Smith Bill’) was introduced into the Senate on 15 November 2017. The requirements set out in the Marriage Act 1961 remain in place until such time as an Act of Parliament changes them. As such, celebrants are currently not able to accept a Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) from same-sex couples.
• The date from which same-sex weddings could occur in Australia will depend on the date the Australian law is changed to allow same-sex marriage.
• The final form of amendments to the Marriage Act 1961 is a matter for the Parliament. The department is unable to provide advice on the likely form of any legislative amendments, including amendments in relation to religious freedoms and protections.
• The department will communicate advice to celebrants and the public about changes to the Marriage Act 1961 as soon as possible after the passage of any amendments.

So, if you are hoping to marry early next year what, if anything, can you start doing now?

1. ​Expect that the requirement to give a month's notice will probably remain unchanged, and that the earliest date for giving notice will probably be specified in the amendments to the Act and is likely to be the date the amendments come into effect (i.e. some time after it passes through both Houses of Parliament and receives Royal Assent by the Governor General). So expect early January to be the earliest date to give notice, and February as the earliest date for a wedding.
2. Summer is a very popular time for weddings so many wedding and reception venues will already be booked out. Even public places like parks and beaches generally have to be booked with local councils. You may not be able to book your preferred venue so think about what is most important to you: an early date or the venue?
3. This is a busy time for celebrants too, so find a celebrant whose style you like (not all celebrants are the same!) and call them soon to discuss your options.
4. If either party has been married before you will need proof that the marriage has ended (e.g. divorce papers, or death certificate for previous partner), so make sure you have them or apply for them now. This will also apply to anyone who has been in a same-sex marriage previously, having been married in another jurisdiction where same-sex marriage is legal. If the marriage has ended you will need the required papers.
5. Currently both parties to a marriage must show their Celebrant original birth certificates or passports. If you don't have either then order them now. A celebrant will be able to tell you exactly what paperwork you need, so start getting it together immediately.
6. If  a same-sex couple has been married lawfully overseas and want to marry again in Australia they are unlikely to be allowed to do so, if the current legislation is a guide. Currently, a straight couple can't be married in Australia if they have already been married overseas, and this same rule is likely to apply to same-sex couples under the new rules as well.

As a Marriage Celebrant I am keeping a close eye on the changes and the passage of the legislation, and am in communication with the marriage celebrants' associations and the Attorney General's Department in order to have the correct information as soon as it becomes available. Don't hesitate to contact me with questions or simply to have a chat about your options.