Writing your own vows

Your celebrant will be able to give you some samples of vows and help you to choose something, or to modify them to create something is uniquely your own. It is becoming more common for people to write their own vows, although many couples also like to include traditional phrases. There is a legal requirement in Australia for vows to include the following words:

" I call upon all those here present to witness that I (first party's full name) take you (their partner's full name) to be my lawful wedded husband/wife/spouse/partner in marriage."

In fact, for a marriage to be legal, that's all you have to say! For those who like the ceremony to be "short and sweet" you don't need to say another thing. But if you'd like to make further promises to each other your celebrant will work with you to write something unique, personal, memorable, and which you will both treasure thereafter.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Are there any traditional words or phrases which you'd like to include? For example, some people love phrases like "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health". When they are repeated after the celebrant they also have a certain poetic rhythm which contribute to the drama of the occasion, and because they are traditional they connect you to previous generations in your family which most likely said similar words at their weddings.
2. What do you love the most about your partner, and what do you want the world to know about them? You've undoubtedly told them many times already already that you love them, but now to get to tell them in front of your closest friends and family, and to boast about their most endearing attributes.

A good place to start when writing your own vows is to write a love-letter to your partner. Tell him or her what you love most about them, what first caught your attention, what are the best things you've discovered about them since them, how they have transformed you as a person and changed your life, and what you hope to do together for the rest of your life. You don't have to send them this letter (although your first wedding anniversary would be a great time to exchange these letters). Instead, use it as base for summarising all those things into a few sentences which you would like to share with him or her, and with all your friends and family. 

I recommend sharing this with your celebrant, who may be able to give you some helpful ideas regarding phrasing (and who will need to ensure all the 'legal bits' are included). Some couples like to work on their vows together, while others like to surprise their partners on the day. Either way works well, depending on what you want your day to be.

Your celebrant should also be able to give you some suggestions and vows to choose from or to use as a guide for writing your own.

Saying your vows on the day

Before writing your own vows you should give some thought to how you want to say them on the day.

There are three common ways to say your vows - there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way and your choice will depend on the style of ceremony you want and how you feel about expressing your deepest emotions on this big day.

1. You can repeat your vows after the celebrant, line by line. This is a traditional way of saying vows and ensures you don't miss anything, or make an embarrassing mistake. This has a 'formal' feel to it, and is therefore often the preference for couples who are planning a formal wedding. It is well suited to traditional phrasing, and vows which are relatively short.
2. For longer or less formal vows it is often better to read your vows and your celebrant should be able to print them for you on a card or scroll in an easy-to-read font.
3. Some couples memorise their vows and deliver them from memory while looking directly into their partner's eyes. This is lovely of course, but the outpouring on emotion can take its toll on your nerves, especially if you are the nervous type! Of course, your celebrant will have a copy and will prompt you if you get stuck (and will have tissues handy if the tears start to flow!) so don't be put off by any fears of getting emotional.

Give some thought to how nervous you are likely to be on the day, taking into consideration how often you speak in front of an audience and what you're like when you do. Think also about the overall feel of the ceremony - whether it's more formal or casual - and what will work best given that style. Discuss your fears and desires with your celebrant and ask for ideas and suggestions. Remember, this will be the one big opportunity to express your deepest feelings about your partner to your friends and family, so don't let any fears put you off. Celebrants are experienced with dealing with emotions and will have some strategies to help you do whatever your heart is set on doing, and to help you make your vows personal and memorable.

Handy hint: Write a love-letter to your partner, use it as the basis for writing your vows, and then give the letter to him or her on your first wedding anniversary.